Daniel Goleman recently witnessed a married couple at a restaurant raging against one another. As the husband ran out on the sidewalk, his wife came after him yelling, “Come back here and be nice to me! ”

        Their embarrassing public scene is a painful illustration of what so many couples struggle with. They don’t fight fairly. Goleman believes that it’s not the disagreements that tear a marriage apart. It’s how couples discuss their differences. Often the fights become destructive because couples fail to understand male/female differences.

        If you want to learn to fight fairly with your spouse, try the following techniques:

1. Focus on actions of your spouse that upset you. Avoid criticizing the person.
2. Men...avoid sidestepping conflict. Let your wife express her feelings and try to understand her emotional pain.
3. Women...when expressing complaints, be sure to reassure your husband that you still love him.

        Most importantly, keep Jesus Christ in the center of your home. As Colossians says, “clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive...one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:12-13, NIV) Ask God each day to help you fight fairly with your spouse. In doing so, He will ultimately strengthen your bond of marriage.