What are those “little things” that can drain the love bank, and destroy romantic love? Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr., in his book Love Busters, outlines five categories of negative habits:

1. Angry outbursts
2. Disrespectful judgements
3. Annoying behaviors
4. Selfish demands
5. Dishonesty

    In the Sunday morning class I teach, we spent a month on just the first “love buster.” I would like to give you more detailed information on each of these after the first of the year. Dr. Harley has a great web site at called Marriage Builders where you can read more about them on your own.

    Are you aware that you are making withdrawals and losing that close intimacy with each of these habits? What about the state of your mate’s love bank right now? Are you continuing to make deposits? Are you overdrawn? How do we overcome the habits that deplete our love account? What can we do to make new deposits in our partner’s love bank?

    The opposites of love busters are “love builders.” Looking at the list above, I’ve put together a list of what I believe are love builders:

1. Anger Management (James 1:19-20): This will take time, and may involve changing habits from your upbringing. Anger is a natural emotion but there is a proper place and time to release it.

2. Encouragement (Ephesians 4:29): We all need to make our thoughts clear and give our spouse a boost through daily encouragement.

3. Constant Growth (Philippians 3:12-16): We all have bad habits that need modifying. Wouldn’t it be great to have a spouse that took the in wanting to be a better person, and made those changes?

4. A Servant Spirit (Philippians 2:4): This is what Christianity is really about. This is easy to discuss, but very hard to live. The heart must be cultivated and the hands caring.

5. An Open Honesty (Luke 16:10): Honesty is one of the most delicate components in marriage. Do not ever take advantage of this, or underestimate the importance!

    In my column last month, I challenged readers to use November as “Spouse Thanksgiving Month.” Let me tell you what I found out from my challenge. After participating, I was blessed with a deeper appreciation for my wife. Almost every day I told her one thing I was thankful for that she did for our family and me. I found that this wasn’t very hard, because she does so much for us. For all that she did for me; I wanted to return the favors by helping her more. It seemed to heighten my love as well as my appreciation for her. Have you ever written down or thought through all the things your spouse has done for you in just one day? Counting your blessings, literally, is another way to turn a positive focus on your companion and a good place to start in reversing the meltdown process.

    Stopping bad habits will stop withdrawals from the love bank. Some habits could be making daily withdrawals from your marriage. But my challenge for you is this: What are you doing to make deposits in your marriage? What are you doing to invest in the emotional level that can be shared between both of you? I hope that Thomas Sowell, of Creators Syndicate, won’t mind if I change his quote just a bit, for you. Since we are using the analogy of the love bank, I will conclude with another financial analogy: “Politeness and consideration for your spouse is like investing pennies and getting dollars back.” Based on your investments, how richly blessed is your marriage?