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1. What’s in a wassail bowl? Ans. Who knows? That’s why I stick to the spiced tea.

2. Is it God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen, or God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen? Ans. The comma should be placed between the Merry and the Gentlemen. To sing it correctly you need to put a sixteenth and dotted eighth note over Mer-ry and 1/8 notes over Gen-tle-men. Or something like that.

3. How do you make figgy pudding? Ans. I have no idea. But I’ve always wanted to make some. E-mail me your recipe, girl.

4. The name of the perennial holiday movie favorite starring Jimmy Stewart is: a. Life’s a Beach; b. Have a Nice Day; c. It’s a Wonderful Life; d. Life’s a Nice Wonderful Day at the Beach. Ans. d. (Trivia extra: There was a remake of this old favorite in 1997 using the cast of Bay Watch.)

5. Can you explain the origin of the Christmas tree? Ans. One Christmas, William “Billy” Druid (the Druids were a rather slow-witted family that lived in upstate New York about a thousand years ago) thought it would be enjoyable to cut down a very flammable evergreen tree, place it in the living room, let it reach the ignition level of gasoline and put lighted candles all over it. This quaint tradition also explains why there aren’t any Druids on your Christmas card mailing list.

6. Fill in the blank in this historical quotation, “Yes,________________, there is a Santa Claus.” a. Gertrude, b. reindeer breath, c. Virginia Ans. c. Virginia

7. Please translate the Spanish holiday greeting, “Feliz Navidad.” Ans. “I don’t care if there is a Christmas party next door. Get your car outta my driveway or I’ll have it towed.”

8. Can you sing the Twelve Days of Christmas? Ans. If you can, please don’t. And take your accordion with you.

9. New Year’s resolutions were started by a. The Druids b. Weight Watchers, c. The Tribbles Ans. The Druids: “That’s the last time we’ll cut a very flammable tree, place it in the living room and put lighted candles all over it.”

10. What is a “soul cake?” (As in the quaint Christmas song “A’souling.”) a. It’s something like figgy pudding smothered in wassail. It tastes a lot like chicken; b. Any holiday cake baked while listening to “A Ray Charles Christmas”; c. Actually, the spelling is “solecake” and it is what you scrape from your shoes after you have been to the barn. Ans. c

    If you would like to have a copy of this holiday quiz, and don’t know that you can just copy and paste it and drive your friends crazy with “cute” FW mail, please send $5.00 to the guy who holds the copyright, Dennis Crawford. He will probably use the proceeds to make wassail and figgy pudding for the holidays—or whatever.

    WARNING: The above “A Holiday Trivia Quiz” (hereinafter referred to as simply, “the quiz”), does not purport to be historically accurate. The quiz was written expressly for the entertainment of the writer and its immediate readers, and may not be rebroadcast in any form without the written consent of the NFL and AARP. Rebroadcast without this consent may cause tooth loss and/or bad karma. Some concepts in this quiz have been found to be injurious, detrimental and deleterious by the state of Tennessee. The writer may not be held liable, responsible or accountable for any damage, harm or injury caused by this quiz, including eye strain, computer malfunctions or confusion regarding Christmas.

    Merry Christmas. God bless us all, everyone.