Together in Christ: 'God's Call to Singles' — Matthew 19:9-12

Recently, we have focused our relationship verses on sexual purity and marriage. Today and tomorrow, we will focus on people God has gifted to be single and fulfilled. As I have sought to serve God's people over multiple decades, no topic has generated more heat, criticism, and confusion than this one. Married folks tend to want to ignore this topic about single Christians and don't realize the significance of the fact that much of what is taught and experienced in churches is focused on married people — and the percentage of single adults in most Western countries continues to go up. We can forget that the Bible gives examples of both single people who were faithful servants and married people with serious problems in their families:

• Many of God's most significant leaders and examples were single, chaste, and great servants for God — Jesus, John the Baptizer, the apostle Paul, Anna, Miriam, Mary, Martha, and Lazarus, the poor widow, and Lydia, for example. ^[1]
• On the other hand, there are many biblical examples to indicate that there can be serious challenges to having a faithful family: ^[2]
  • One of Adam and Eve's sons killed his brother.
  • To protect himself in Egypt, Abraham lied and said his wife was his sister, thereby allowing Pharaoh to take her as his wife.
  • David committed adultery and had the woman's husband killed.
  • With the help of his mother, Jacob lied to his father and cheated his brother out of his birthright.
  • Job's wife and family did not support and comfort him in his misery.
  • Lot's two daughters got him drunk and had sex with him so they could have heirs.
  • Jesus' brothers did not believe him.
  From both biblical examples and modern-day experience, it should be clear that being married and having a family may not lead to a contented, full life. More than 40% of marriages in the United States end in divorce, and that doesn't include couples who live together and then split up.

Some who are married and in our churches don't think about the many among us who are unmarried, widowed, abandoned with a child, and divorced. These single people are seeking to be faithful to Jesus and live holy lives in a sexually supercharged culture. ^[3]

Some godly singles among us have heard the call of God to remain single and chaste, using their singleness to bless others and build up the family of God. ^[4] Some Christian singles are realizing that they may never marry and they are disappointed, angry, depressed, or resentful. For others who long to be married, that opportunity has not presented itself to them, but they believe it will. Some are wrestling with same-gender attraction and trying to discern what God is calling them to do, realizing they may find sexual purity only by remaining single. ^[5] Some who are unmarried bought into the sinful practice of testing their sexual compatibility with a potential life partner before marriage, a practice that is now common among unmarried young adults of Western culture, sometimes leaving them broken, devastated, exploited, and abandoned. Each of these situations, and others I have not mentioned, are confusing, challenging, and largely unaddressed in our churches and among many Christians.

On the other hand, marriage — especially faithful, lifetime marriage —is challenging, requiring hard work and commitment. Jesus acknowledged that holy marriage can be hard — "Not everyone can accept this statement." Marriage to the wrong person must not be something a Christian single "settles for" to make life work. ^[6] Married people need their lives joined with someone who shares their core faith values and faith in Jesus, committed to working with them and beside them in partnership to honor the Lord. ^[7] In addition, each of us who marries must be as sure as possible that our marriage partner will love us as we commit to love them. So, dear single Christian brother or sister, hear the call of Jesus to use your current situation as an opportunity to glorify Him in holiness and honor ^[8] as you seek the Lord's guidance on whether to use your singleness as a lifestyle focused on glorifying God and serving Him without distraction. ^[9]